the writers block dam has started to break enough to let a steady flow come through. im not to impressed by this and ill edit a lot from here but this is what i turned in for class, so here it is for you to read as well.
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My Loving Abyss,
Nothing is all there was, in every direction, as far as I could see, nothing. I tried to yell but there was no echo, nothing. I went to walk, but it felt as though I was walking down an escalator going up. Nothing to use as a vantage point, nothing to mark a distance even if I wanted to move. So I sat, looking into the void of nothing, searching for something, anything I could run to.
Seeing nothing I laid my head back and looked up as though I was looking to the stars. Looking up into the abyss of white I notice a small bit of color out of the corner of my eye, not much but I look at fear I am seeing things. I see the growing of a plant, just floating there. No soil to cover its roots, and no water to feed them. Yet this small plant grows. I sit up and walk over to it, then around it, still it grows, so I sit by it and watch. As it is growing I notice this is plant I have seen before. Yes I notice it now, it’s a tree that had been planted the spring before I was born. Its continuing to grow, the roots still in no soil but rather are holding the tree up off the ground. The roots intertwining, Like many trees I have drawn in my life so too these roots have shapes and messages. The roots now being as tall as my waist I walk around them again looking at the different symbols the roots have created. Seeing a small opening in the roots I crawl under the tree looking out through the roots into the void I had almost forgotten all together.
The roots continued to intertwine around me, blocking out the view of the void. Still my small doorway had stayed, as did the symbols in the roots, more filled in then at one time and some askew from their original form but there none the less.
I walk out of my tree root cover to find that the void was not there any more, but instead there was a stage, and but two actors stood upon it. Not a nice stage, but not one that wouldn’t last the years. I walk toward the stage and rows of chairs appear on either side of me as I walk forward, finally I stop and enter one of the rows that appeared and took a seat. These actors I had never seen, but the text seemed so familiar that it didn’t quite click in my head it was I and a friends last words to each other, not a memory that I was partially fond of, and was sure it had ceased to exist, but there it was before my eyes. I could sit and watch myself ruin the one good thing I ever had in my life, I bolt up from the chair and jump the row of seats in front of me but as I go to jump the next I see a flashlight from over in the corner by the stairs onto this stage, I look at it only a moment then look back to find the stage was gone, rather it had been replaced.
The roots were right in front of me, nothing changed about them, they seem to have stopped their growing. But now with a closer look I do find something new. There is a soft bed of grass that slowly crept its way around, soon my toes were in the grass and the urge to run now was coming back into mind. I ran around the tree twice, looking for a good footing to start climb. Up the tree I went, into the green leaves till I could get no higher. Looking out of the small holes in the leaves I could see the endless white void again.
I hear a snapping noise, and quickly jump to another branch a little lower, and then another lower yet. I hear more cracking and more cracking. I get to the bottom, and land on my feet falling a little but stabling just in time to not fall over. At the same time I heard one more, large crack, and then I felt a vibration in my feet from the contact of a great giant falling to its death and its earthy demise. Eyes clenched almost as hard as my fist loosen and I look around myself, and find that I know the smells and the feeling of this place. The look, not any different then I remember it. The woods of my youth, the adventures and the stories, would make even the eldest of gleemen turn their ears to hear. A cold wind blows the leaves and pine needles at feet, revealing the white floor of the void to me. I run into the woods and as I run the woods seem to get taller and taller. When stop to catch a breath I lean on a tree and look down, but not as far down as I have been use to doing, no a much shorter distance from the brim of my nose to the dirty leaves. In the leaves I see my feet and see Velcro straps on a pair of worn out black shoes. At this I look behind me as if someone was reading my thoughts they say “didn’t know you were still this age did you?” The speaker was a tree, but this tree, it looked almost human, almost… almost looked like m…. couldn’t be…
“I’m sorry, what said you?” I say, noticing the poor grammar, that of a four year old.
“ahh, you notice the poor word choice, guess adam isn’t around to correct you, like usual.”
“how do you know adam?” I say defensively at hearing my best friends name coming from this tree.
“Don’t you see, or are you not able to get past the sight of me?” and with that the tree turned into me, well me but what looked to be a much older me, as I envisioned I would look as an old man. “these are your thought, my thoughts, our thoughts”
“you, you mean that these trees are just thoughts…”
“no, these trees are trees, but some no longer there, and some were never there, depending on the time you wish to remember.”
I blink my eyes and look up at the old man and it is just him and I in the void. No longer do we speak, but just look at each other, waiting for the other to speak. Then after a moment the old man looks to me and says “enough of this, ‘lets play a game, I love a good game’ and surly you do as well.” I find that I have lost the Velcro strapped shoes and the are now a black and white shoe with white laces. I look back to the old man but he is gone. And once again I’m in the void, alone. No tree, no old man, just the nothingness around me. Then I just start thinking and as I do so these thoughts play out in front of me, there are people running all around, and so I dodge them and try to stay out of the way. Where have they all come from, why are they all dressed so different? So many questions flowing. Then a sharp pain in my calf causes me to sit, and as I sit I fall into a booth.
I look up and there is this grey haired lady sitting in front of me. She looks to me and says “are you ok, love?” and with out thinking I say something about yes I’m fine, don’t worry. I hold up the laminated menu in my hands just so her eyes are at the top of the menu, I glance and find what I want and then stare at her ineffable eyes, till she looks up at me and I look away like a preteen boy staring at a girl he has just learned he has a crush on, when he wasn’t aware he had crushes. Then looking out the window I see some small boys playing in the parking lot as cars of people pulled in and out. I see some people get out of a car, five people, all male, from an older gent to a very young lad, all looking very similar in appearance. Then I hear that ladies voice speak to me again,
“That’s you out there you know.”
“Who?” as I quickly look away and back at her.
“The men that just stepped out, they are waiting for you Matzi.”
“Who are they?”
“like I said, they are you, and you are them”
“As in I am the walrus?”
“no they are yo……” she stopped and froze, as did everything around me. I look at the car and its gone, I look back to her and she has become quite youthful, dark brown hair and all dolled up like she was trying to impress someone. Then a young boy walks in and sits into me and starts talking to her and everything starts moving again, but I’m no longer me but this strange boy. He talks like I would however, and looks how I would have at his age.
Then as I examine him I notice that the booth is very out of place, seeing as there were trees instead of walls and the black and white tile floor was now leaves and pine needles. I walk away from them and then I see the two from the stage running by me to a fallen tree, acting out yet another scene from my life. I keep walking rubbing my head very confused, and then two little boys jump out from the trees and ask me if I know where I am. I go to speak but the boy is me, I know it by his hair cut and his slouch and the flannel he had on. This was adam next to him, playing in the woods as they always did.
“hey old man we are talking to you, are you lost, you look lost” I said to me.
“it would seem so my boy, it would seem so, can you tell me where I am?” the two boys look at each other and I can tell that they are talking with their eyes like they always did, they thought that no one else could do it, it was like a super power of theirs. Me as a boy looks at me through his eyelids to say “we are anywhere you are, will be and have been, old man. You of all people should know, will you be off to being a tree again now?”
Off to be a tree, but that wasn’t me, that was the old man in the woods when I was younger… I look back at the actors, at the dinning couple, at the boy in front of me, and then at myself.
But how can this be? I try and think of some other event in my life but as I do the nothingness starts to swallow the forest, all but where the actors stood. I walk over to it and the tree had been completely uprooted, the roots were so thick and so many that they made a nice little den to lie in. I did so and looked up through the roots at the sky.
In the sky I could see the images of everything that came to my mind. As the thoughts rushed into my mind there was no stopping the images in the sky. They were all fighting to be the ones in the middle to be my main thought, as a result many crossed into one another. I watched the four year old me go up to my first girlfriend and hand her a note that said I like you, do you like me? Just to the right of that I could see me at seventeen sitting at that diner from earlier with that same lady, with the graying hair almost fading back to her youthful color as they sat there talking of old times. Then as these two were going on there were two that fought to the middle, there was an old man in the woods, running and climbing and calling out to another older man doing the same. Calling out about how the tower is not much farther ahead, only a few hundred men to get through, not a problem for seasoned warriors such as us. There were some images that looked as though the tv was in need of a hit to the side, or that someone had pressed the fade button on the camcorder. I tried to focus more on these to see what they were but it seemed that these memories had faded to much to bring them to the front. I watched as I jumped from the different scenes of my life, sometimes looking quite confused, as did others in the scenes. Watching the young me and the old me have a nice sit down talk about life was also interesting to watch as the old man remembered things he had long forgot, and the young boy quite proud of the things he will do in his life. The sky starts to change drastically. No longer happy images, but rather the sky turns black. Everything went to black, no more tree, no more images. Just black. Then a sound that if it were a blade would go through bone like it were air. The sky then flashed from black to red in small areas as the sounds continued.
5:15
: Three
5:15
: Blinking
5:15
: Numbers
As though I new what I was doing I reached to the numbers placing a hand on them and ceased the sounds. I look around me, everything in color, clothing everywhere, laptop open, glowing in the corner tapestries on their walls, desk with clutter and the cup from my tea last night on the night table next to my book. I look up, laying on my back, and then close my eyes. Trying to think of nothing. Only want is to be back in the comfort of the void, the void of nothing.
My Loving,
Abyss.
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