I feel a thanks is in order.

Thank you for today everyone.
I cant begin to explain how appreciative of all of you that i really am.
Ive had many a talks this week, and well the last few weeks, but this week it seems that it was every night there was a good talk that occurred. There are a lot of things that have been said over the last few weeks that i will remember this point in my life, more then many others i do so believe. So here's to you, my friends, my family and my acquaintances.

Im eating dove chocolate and this wrapper i just opened says "Open your eyes to the love around you" and i dont think that there could be better timing. I see love all around me, in the eyes of others, the words to my ears, and the warmth of my heart.

Thanks be to you, my friends.

OK part 2

aafter i typed that, things in my day have gone much better.
im not sure why, but all of a sudden everything in chemestry made sense and it didnt yesterday, idk what happend there.
but i get it now and it felt so good.
then play practice went better then yesterday and im not as stressd about it. i think that over all everything is going very well.


but i think that and underlying thing in the last one that i did see till i just re read itm is this.

I feel that people need to stop talking about doing things and just do them. I need to not think out my life, i need to just live it. people dont need to plan there day to day, they just need to live it. you dont knowwhen youll die, or how. so why not lic=ve every moment you have.

i really just want to tell people to just go live. to just act upon their notions. take risks, do something with your life

ok
thats all for now
better mood now :]

fin

Ok

Im done now.
im done .
im deflated
im broken
im hallow
im falling
im flailing
im dieing
im trying to crawl
but my arms cant hold up
my head wont stay up and my eyes wont stop burning.
im haveing trouble breathing
im never sleeping
my mind is against me
im finding this to be true
i hate the lack of applying myself
im sick of this feeling i cant get out of.
i want the next year to just be done, and this year has yet to begin.
this is the easy shit kids.
just you wait, itll be over soon enough, times will get worse
we will all crawl
we will all cry
and in the end we all die
what we do betwen this points, thats what matters right?
or is it these things that make us
i mean some of the greatest artist and composers of time were all even more famous after death.
but what is fame
does it stop you from hurt?
doest it stop you from dieing?
does it mean shit?
maybe there is an after life, or you get to come back to earth till you are enlightened...
but if that is true, if you are just going somewhere else or you are just coming back
then whats the point of this prolonging of life?
if we all died between 20 and 40, would we care so much about planning things out, having our whole lives mapped out?
i mean in 1000 years from now, are we going to have people living for a couple hundred years? will this stress still be here? or will it b even more to have your whole life planed out.

i say, fuck it
fuck all of it
this stress fuck it
this emtiness, fuck it
your opinion, fuck it
my opinion fuck it
whats the point anyway.

none of this means anything.
its just 0's and 1's
patters
all life is one pattern
following the pattern is all up to you.
this feeling i have, its all fucking pattern
thats all i hear, oh its ok this is natural for you to have these feeling, its just your teenage hormones
just one more pattern
extending life, is continuing the pattern.
living in the way our parents did
its a pattern
we go to sleep we wake up
patern
we eat we shit
patern
we live
we die
its a fucking pattern


well it would seem there is a pattern i can find right now in my life.
its shitshitshitshitsmallmomentofhappyshitshitshitshithappyshitshitshitfalsehappyshitshitshit
great pattern right.
its fanfuckingtastic

this is just flowing nonsense.
and im sorry for your eyes have reading it.

all i ask
is to be happy
to not have to put up with this shit that he does
to put of the shit i put myself through

fin
because i dont know what to do
but i needed to type something

Cuddle

I really want to cuddle with someone.
watch a good movie under some blankets and cuddle.

...about an hour ago

I said my goodbyes.
I said my goodnights.
I brushed my teeth.
I set my alarm.

crawled into bed.
turned on my music.
rolled over
pulled the covers up
over my head i brought them
to block the glow from my laptop.

Wide i awake
Wide awake i became.
All day ive felt the warm hand of sleep
pulling my eye lids down
calming my mind
taking away my energy.

All day i resist,
with hopes that i may sleep
a good nights sleep.

Yet here i am
Wide awake.
in 4 hours or so i shall awaken...
with less sleep then needed...
and this day in and day out
gets to be quite tiresome
and is starting to take a number on me.

So what is t that i should do...
I sleep the best with conversation.
or cuddled up and warm when its cold all around me...

I just want to sleep.
please, please can i sleep...

An Adventure We Call Our Live

Lets plan it out.
Lets plan our great escape.
An adventure it shall be.
Just you, the world, and me.

Take my hand
We'll take the first step.
and stride together.
hand in hand.

no rocks unturned
no path untaken
we'll see it all
and learn all there is to know.

so will you take my hand and go on this adventure with me?
will you accompany me on my escape of this life we live?

Fingers woven together
hearts beating
and smiles all around

we will have a few injuries on the way
but nothing we cant handle.
nothing we cant overcome.

all we need is take a step.
out the window
over the cliff
off the boat
through the door.

I dream sometimes

I dream some times, of things i want to make stories for. like the tree dream i still want to make a short video for.

but last night i had this dream of a pocket watch.
it was green orange and red, with hints of black and yellow at some points.
the colors were always changing, sometime into faces, others into words, or paintings, but always changing none the less.
i had an urge to keep it hidden from everyone else... like it was something people would want to steal from me, and i couldnt bare it happening to me.
i kept it in my vest pocket, everyone in the dream was dressed up, but not for anything formal, just normal attire.
i dont remember opening it to read the time, but i do remember reading the words that came up on it, however, it was in a dream script that i dont know :/

i want to make a story about it but im not sure how to start it.

stoping the abyss of nothing

stop,
stop!
Stop!

cant anyone hear me?!

for the love all things holy

STOP!

there is no were to go,
there is no place to hide,
there is nothing to blame.

im crawling into
thee abyss again,
this time hoping,
it will be my last.

STOP THIS!
why cant they hear me
do my shouts
not have sound,
sound that resonates,
do you not hear my pleas?
can you not hear
the shrieks of pain

its a framilure place
ive fixed it up
ive had nothing
but enough time
but this place
it brings me
nothing but memories
of days

ive been tring to find something
something to hold onto
but all around me
is nothing.
im running,
but from what
and to where
there is nothing here.

nothing but

i do not wish to dwell upon
it hasnt been very long
since my last visit
seems like just last week
i had these faucets working
but it seems ive forgotten
to the water bill
or perhaps
i dont have a bill
and my well has just run dry

I KNOW YOU'RE THERE
i can see you
why wont you look at me
im right here
no
No
NO
STOP
stop that
dont just walk right through me!
damn it listen to me
why wont you listen to me....

broken shards
of times i have..
look here,
this piece here
heh...
its from when

I HATE THIS!
STOP WALKING AWAY
DONT PRETEND YOU CANT HEAR ME
I KNOW YOU CAN
why wont you just listen
it doesnt have to be for long
just show that you can hear me
please
PLEASE
im begging you
please

the door is locked
has been for as long
as i can remember.
i always crawl
into the broken window
of the basement.
but not this time
this time im going in the door
im not going to sneek in
im choosing to this time
its a nice place to go

i knew who i was
where i was
where i was going and
who i was going to be.
sadly, this is the first thing
in this journey here
that ive seen.
everywhere
its just...
white
empty
hallow
there is nothing
but me
and this shard of life

when its to hard to take the rest
like i said
ive become quite framilure
with this place.
but i dont talk about it
i dont want anyone to know
this place is mine
the one place i can go
and no one can find me
no one can yell
no one can hurt.

im done
im done waiting to be heard
if you dont want to listen
then ill make you at least,
hear what i have to say.

but lets say we have
a little fun
ill throw this shard one way
and ill walk another

but i can hurt
and i can scream
and i can see me.
and this is worse then anything
its the alone that i cant get use to.
its the alone i was running from
when i found this place
it felt secure
it felt safe
i sliped into it and felt fine.
but i cant stay here again.
its not safe
not if i ever want to get back out.
look at it
the walls are falling in
the roof is sagging over the windows
this place is falling apart
to the pnt i cant fix it
ive tried to
i never wanted to give up on it
but i see now

and see just how lost

i can get
befor i come back to it

you avoid talking
you avoid hearing
you avoid seeing
but this does not change
that im here
and that there is a life here
i dont want to disobey
i dont want to scare
i dont want to hurt
you
but if you dont let up and hear me out
im going to leave and not look back
im not going to regret not living
im not going to just wait for..
...for things to get better
wait for things to come
wait for life

i have to help
help the fall of this abbyss
so here is the best way i know
after im done
there will be no more

i think ive lost it
ive been going for some time
i dont see it any more
i dont see anything
i dont hear anything
i cant feel...

anything

life wont always be here
so why should we wait
wait to live
im done waiting
no!
dont speak
you had your chance,
i see now
nothing will change
nothing is what
nothing does
you hear nothing
you listen to nothing
you feel nothing
so in return
from me you get
just that
nothing
!